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Why Martha Stewart Suggests hiring a Wedding Planner

Q. One of the toughest questions I keep asking myself is, do I really need a wedding planner?

A. As any couple knows, planning a wedding can be a huge amount of work. There are countless decisions to make, and they're all the more daunting for brides and grooms who are inexperienced with putting together such a big event. Sometimes one of the best steps a couple can take is to hire a wedding planner.

Wedding planners are no longer just for couples with unlimited budgets; they have become indispensable today to many brides and grooms, who find their services well worth the expense. You might consider hiring a planner soon after you get engaged if you have a demanding job that leaves little time for much else, if you're getting married in a city other than the one you live in, or if you simply feel overwhelmed by the details involved.

A wedding consultant guides you through the planning process and the wedding day itself, assisting in whatever capacity you need. He or she can help you refine your ideas, connect you to the appropriate vendors, advise you on proper etiquette, and suggest ways to use your budget wisely. Besides keeping your schedule on track, a planner will also create a wedding-day timeline and make sure that it gets carried out-down to the smallest detail. "A good planner will analyze what you are looking to do, help you find the resources to get it done, and take you every step of the way," says Chicago wedding planner Randy Schuster.

You can expect your planner first to find out what kind of wedding you envision, whether it's a formal evening affair, for example, or an outdoor garden luncheon. You'll discuss with her the number of guests you'd like to invite, the color scheme or theme, which aspects are most important to you (such as the food, the music, the flowers), and your budget. Based on this information, she can begin brainstorming with you on everything from invitation decoration to venue locations. Keep in mind, though, that while a planner is there to help lead the way and lend her expertise, it doesn't mean you have to surrender control of your wedding. "The decisions were always ours," says Stephanie Penner Degodny, who hired Schuster for her 2002 Chicago wedding. For Degodny, the area in which Schuster provided the most help was, naturally, planning-outlining what had to be done and when. "Planners know the timing of everything," she says. "They tell you what you need to do right away and what can wait."

Having a professional look after you can also be invaluable when it comes to finding the people necessary to make your wedding a success, such as musicians, caterers, photographers, and florists. Experienced planners have spent years cultivating relationships with vendors and know which ones are best for you. Often, they can even get you discounts. Your planner will act as a liaison between you and the vendors, setting up appointments and guiding you through the contracts. A good planner will also find the right combination of professionals, one that can function as a team designed to pull your wedding together smoothly.

Perhaps the most important role a planner can play is in orchestrating the wedding day itself. ( Some couples hire planners to help only on that day.) Besides coordinating the vendors, she might do everything from gathering your wedding party for pictures to making sure all the seating cards are inplace to calming nerves. She'll check that the flowers and food are exactly what you ordered and manage the evening from cocktails to cake. With a person to take care of the logistics, you're free to focus solely on enjoying yourself. "I want couples to actually eat their meal and not worry if the band is going to play a certain song," says Victoria Stanbach of Violet Weddings in the San Francisco Bay area.

To make sure your planner will meet your expectations, be careful about whom you hire. Though there are many planners advertising their services, locating one through a friend or colleague is preferable. It's wise to interview several planners in person to see if there's a good rapport. "You need a high level of comfort and trust," says Nicky Reinhard, who runs David Reinhard Events in New York City with partner Ann David. Find out how long the planner has been in the business, how she got started, and why; it will help you gauge her level of enthusiasm for the job. Ask how many events she does each month-you'll want to be sure she has enough time for you. Ask what kinds of weddings she has planned and where they were held. If you want to hold your reception on a yacht, for instance, it makes sense to work with someone familiar with that type of setting. Look at her portfolio, focusing on how much attention was paid to detail, rather than whether the style matches yours. Finally, ask for references.

Remember that the planner will be working for you-she should listen to your ideas and concerns, not make proclamations about what to do. She should also be upfront about whether your budget is in line withyour vision. You want someone who will be honest about what you can afford and who can find less-expensive alternatives you'll be happy with.

As for a planner's fees, they depend on the extent of services you'd like. Before hiring anyone, ask not only how much she charges but what exactly it covers. Some planners charge a flat rate; others charge per hour. Still others charge a percentage of your wedding budget, usually 10 to 15 percent. Most will create a proposal for you to approve and will then draw up a letter of commitment or a contract. While you can expect to pay at least several thousand dollars for "full service" (meaning the planner works with you to put together your wedding from beginning to end), you may ultimately save money. "There are places to spend and not to, where it will show and not show," says Schuster. For example, if your reception site is a gorgeous room with a breathtaking view, your planner might suggest cutting back on floral arrangements. If you feel, however, that you can't afford a planner's full-service fees or don't need someone there for the entire process, you can cut costs by hiring a consultant to help only during the last few weeks leading up to your wedding or during the wedding weekend itself.

The best affirmation of a planner's value is when a wedding leaves the intended impression. "We ask clients how they want guests to feel at the end of the wedding," says David. "Then we make it happen."

A Bold Question

Q. Why should I hire a planner?

A. A simple, yet powerful question. This article should help shed some light: "Debunking the Fanny Pack Myth"

A Common Inquiry, a Not So Common Answer

Q. Why do planners cost so much?

A. This article helps to provide a comprehensive explanation regarding pricing: "Why Do Wedding Planners Cost So Much?"

Establishing Wedding Party Roles

Q. I bought three books that tell me "how to be a bride," and they also cover others' roles: the bridesmaids, the mother of the bride, the groom and more. Is it appropriate to inform these individuals what their traditional roles are so they are not confused? How can I offer this information to my wedding party without sounding ungrateful for their assistance?

A. A fun and unthreatening way to let people know their duties (or what you expect of them) is to send out a newsletter detailing responsibilities and other wedding planning information. That way, no one will feel as though you're targeting them. You're probably right that most people will find it helpful to have responsibilities spelled out - they might not know what they're supposed to do, and they may feel weird about asking. A newsletter is a cool way to tell them - you'll have fun putting it together, too! Be sure to include a huge "Thank You" to everyone early in your newsletter - people generally respond better to instructions if they feel appreciated.

Bridesmaid Luncheon

Q. I need to know about the bridesmaid luncheon. The bridesmaids are obviously invited, but is there an unspoken rule about family and friends whom you cannot invite, or is it up to the bride hosting the luncheon?

A. A bridesmaid luncheon is different than a shower - it's really just a bonding session for the bride and her maids. Generally, the bride treats her maids to a dinner, luncheon, high tea - even a happy hour at a favorite bar or an afternoon of manicures or massages. This party is not mandatory and can be as casual or formal as you want it to be.

Do Bubbles Stain Clothes?

Q. I really wanted my guests to blow bubbles as we left the church (I don't want to use rice and butterflies seem impractical). But one of my friends told me that bubbles can stain your clothes! Is this true?

A. I guess it depends on the batch of bubbles. It's just soap and water after all, though I can see how a high concentration of soap might lead to this effect. Try this: Pick a few different bottles, grab your honey (this shouldn't be *too* hard), and have yourselves a bubble blowing party. Wearing your favorite rags, blow the bubbles directly onto the material. If they stain, move onto the next bottle. Happy blowing!

Guest List and Seating Assignments

Q. My mom has totally taken over the guest list. She has decided to invite not only friends we haven't seen in years but also family of these friends. She is making this a huge social occasion, but we only have so much space in the chapel. Since she's paying for the wedding, how do we tell her not to go overboard? I'm afraid the people that mean the most to me will be stuck standing in the back.

A. It's always tough when parents are paying for the wedding. Of course they should have a say in how their money is spent, but what happens if they get out of control? At least you have a bargaining chip: there's nothing anyone can do about how many people will fit comfortably in the chapel. If you feel that she's inviting guests you don't even know at the exclusion of people important to you, by all means let her know. I'm sure she doesn't mean to make you feel that way, and you just need to point it out. As far as making sure the most important people have a good view of the proceedings, there are a few things you can do. Mark the first five to ten pews as seats of honor with streamers or flowers. Then either make sure your ushers know exactly who the honored people are and where they should be seated, or include pew cards in those guests' invitations. Guests then present these cards to the ushers at your ceremony letting them know where they should be seated. This way, you'll ensure that the most important people are up front, regardless of how many people Mom invites!

Guest Accommodations

Q. Our wedding will require many guests to fly in from various areas. We would like to book rooms at the resort where the wedding and reception will take place. Is it appropriate to ask that people just come and enjoy a nice weekend and not worry about gifts? Their presence at our celebration is the important thing! Also, should we pay for their accomodations? The resort has rooms for very reasonable prices to more luxurious suites. Is it also appropriate to give the guests the website address so they can choose the rooms they would like to book?

A. It sounds like you are very tuned in to the needs of your guests, and that's great! You are not obligated to pay for your guests' rooms: they generally understand that they are expected to pay their own way. However, it is very, very gracious of you to reserve a block of rooms at a discounted group rate, if possible, and it's definitely appropriate to let guests know how to find the resort's website so they can select their own rooms.

Honoring Special Family Members

Q. I really want to honor my grandparents at my wedding. They're both in their 90's and they'll both be at the ceremony and reception! Any ideas?

A. How amazing that your grandparents will both be there! And it's a great idea to honor them on the big day. Some ideas: Give your grandfather a special boutonniere and your grandmother a great corsage; have them specially escorted to sit beside your parents in the front or second row; have your officiant note their presence and mention how glad you are to have them there (or do it yourself, in the ceremony program); include a reading that was read at their wedding in your ceremony; dance to their first-dance song at the reception; display their wedding portrait at the reception... we could go on and on! The important thing is to find the gesture you're most comfortable making, so your tribute will be heartfelt. I'm sure that whatever you decide to do, they'll be touched!

Flower Budget

Q. Approximately how much of my budget should I anticipate spending on my wedding flowers?

A. The sky's the limit when it comes to flowers for your wedding, but realistically you can plan spending about 8% of your overall budget. This covers the bride's bouquet, bridesmaids' bouquets, boutonnieres, corsages, and ceremony and reception arrangements. How much you actually spend depends on many different factors, such as whether or not the flowers are in season in your area, the size and complexity of the arrangements, nad how far the flowers must travel to the ceremony and reception. Be sure to have your whole budget worked out in advance of meeting with your florist for the first time so he or she can show you all the options in your price range.